“My formula for human greatness is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not in the future, not in the past, not for all eternity. Not only to endure what is necessary, still less to conceal it… but to love it…”
–Friedrich Nietzsche
I first heard of Amor Fati from Ryan Holiday, bestselling author of books like The Obstacle Is the Way and Ego Is The Enemy. Among other things, he runs The Daily Stoic website, on which he sells a medallion with the words “AMOR FATI” emblazoned on it.
When I first saw this term and read Holiday’s explanation for what it stood for, I was confused. To my way of thinking, what he was describing was different than anything I had come across, and I just couldn’t process it without some fermentation. I hadn’t yet reached this lesson in my journey for self-improvement. But when it did, this concept, which is akin to riding a feather along the flow of life, bowled me over like a 250-pound linebacker.
Amor Fati is taking what life gives you and making a salad. Or lemonade. Or whatever version of this common platitude you prefer. In a way, it says to love life.
At this point, you’re wondering why I would write in a thousand words what is usually tossed out on page one of your typical inspirational wall calendar. And the reason is because it is so much more powerful.
Amor Fati actually means “love fate,” not life. Loving life is easy. The alternative is death. Almost all of the good things come by way of living.
Loving fate? Not so much. Putting aside for the moment your metaphysical leanings on the concept of fate, would you not acknowledge that things happen to you over which you have no control and no reasonable belief that you brought such things upon you? I imagine you would.
And what do you do when such misfortune strikes? Likely, you get upset. You are pissed that it rained on your wedding day. That your football team lost because that terrible quarterback fumbled the ball on fourth and goal. That you ran over a nail on the way home and got a flat tire.
What if you learned to not only accept those random events, but to love them? That is Amor Fati. It means you let go of that anger, that disappointment, that sadness. You recognize that you are powerless to change it and move on.
But this concept is so much more than grinning and bearing it. If that were all it was, it would have much less application. This is about loving it. Because when you express love in the moment, it is impossible to feel anger, hate, grief, disgust. Love is the antidote to negative emotion.
The trick to amor fati is not that you must feel love for all of life’s circumstances. It is that you must reframe your perspective about yourself and the world you live in. Honestly, if you don’t do that, the only way you’re going to love every twist and turn is through some medications prescribed only by a doctor (or Tito on 5th & Main).
To do this, you must recognize your role as an active participant in life, even with the stuff you have no control over. You must see it as a challenge designed to make you better. You must recognize that it happened to you at this moment in time because life designed this path for you and where you will ultimately be.
It rained on your wedding day? Sorry to hear that, but hey, look, meet your beautiful wife with whom you get to spend the rest of your life. Your football team lost? You get to watch them win next week. You have a flat tire? It’s attached to the car without which your life would be so much more difficult.
When you crystalize your position in your own personal universe and realize how you can be both utterly powerless and yet completely uber-powerful in the same moment, and learn to love both, you will have found amor fati.
And all that stress and angst and anxiety from fighting against the grain of fate goes away.