Mindfulness was one of the first things I tried when I embarked on a path toward self-improvement.
The benefits of meditation have been well-documented. It seemed like just about every successful entrepreneur or artist meditated on a daily basis. And as someone with particularly volatile emotions at times, I was keen to apply the practice to my own emotional resilience.
Only, it turns out I wasn’t very good at it.
I couldn’t keep my mind from bouncing around. It wouldn’t stay empty. And when it went off on its own, I often forgot to reel it back in, or to dismiss whatever thought it had gone off chasing. Focus was an issue for me.
All of the books and articles and apps I invested in indicated that this tendency would go away, and that my mind would settle down. That may indeed be the case, but it appears my particular collection of neurons is the mental equivalent of wild untamed bucking horse. I have yet to keep from being thrown.
And so I haven’t really invested in a daily meditative practice. Sure, I go through stretches where I give it a game shot. I am in one now. Thank you, New Year.
But it really is going to require me to accept that it may not work for me, and to just do it anyway. Mayhap I am reaping the benefits after all, even as I dismally fail to corral my centrifugal vortex of a mind.
While perhaps meditation itself is not a gleaming success for me, it did give me a rather sublime thought amidst my exercise earlier this week.
And that is the power of appreciating “now.”
There I was, sitting in a chair in my bedroom, trying to clear my mind. It was a chilly, quiet day. I could hear my mini-fridge steadily humming. I heard the rumble of cars whizzing by on the freeway nearby. My socked feet were settled on the floor and my breath was even and level. My hands laid on the arm rests of the chair, with my fingertips more than a little cold from the crisp air.
It was here that my mind wandered in a direction I did not expect. I thought about now. Where I was now. Who I was now. When now was.
And I realized now is special. This now is special. Why? Because it is happening now. And it will never happen again. It is unique and its like will never come again.
I will never be this age again. I will never be the exact person I am again at this moment. The world, the universe even, will never be the same again. As I sit here in this chair, the world moves on and I with it.
I opened my eyes and appreciated the moment. I didn’t think about what lay in the future. I didn’t worry about what had happened to me in the past. I just simply sat still and considered the sublime nature of now.
In doing so, I came to understand how wonderful it is that I can contemplate this. That I am alive and present to do so.
And I consider how many of these moments I have been given, and yet I throw them away like nothing. All their uniqueness and individual power, one after the other, none ever occupying the same space, and when they are gone, they are gone. And I had thrown them away.
I recognized that I only had so many of these moments left to me. And that was the real gift of now. It created in me a tremendous surge of energy to do, to become, to live.
To be. For as long as I am able.
Even if you don’t practice mindfulness, take some time today to consider the power of the present, and appreciate how wonderful and special it is. Let go of past regrets and future concerns, and just be content with now.