Everyone has had one of those days when you felt like you shouldn’t have even gotten out of bed. I had just such a day last week.
Now, I am not talking about life changing events, like the passing of a loved one, losing one’s job, house burned down, etc. My day does not compare to days like those, which are so extreme and relatively rare that they distinctly color one’s life for months or years or ever. There are books that attempt to tackle that subject, and I am not bright enough to solve those problems in 2000 words.
No, my day wasn’t a one in one-thousand day event, but more of the one in two-hundredth variety. My completely unscientific analysis of the world around me suggests that we all might average about two of these per year.
I’ll give you the Cliff Note’s version of mine.
It started off bland enough. That day was my sixth in a row at my job, and fourth straight night closing. I work at a restaurant which closes very late. I was headed for a day off, but it would be a short one, as an opening shift the day after would basically give me one half of a day off. Leading up to the start of my shift, there was little indication of what was coming.
We are usually dead on Tuesday nights, but a high school graduating class well out of normal range of us ended up bringing in parties because the restaurants nearer the school could not handle the overflow. So my staff and I were running around for much of the night. I also had an unusually inexperienced serving staff. Last night was a bug night, where we bring in a pest fighting company to make sure we’re creepy-crawlie free, which involves a lot of work on our part to prepare the restaurant. And it was also our night for extra cleaning. I had a staff member threaten to get another fired. My numbers were off, so I had to do a full audit. And I had to get my schedules in, which I could not get to earlier because of the unexpected party rush. So I left an hour and change later than usual.
I am driving home on a dark and dreary highway when an object the size of a tire and about as reflective as a black hole appeared in my lane. Unable to avoid it, I crashed through the thing, a move my car did not appreciate. My bumper and front undercarriage took heavy damage, such that a piece of plastic was dragging on the roadway as I drove. I sighed and went to a good mechanic on the way home, leaving my keys and an explanation in the early bird box. I walked a mile to a bus stop and then another mile to my house, lugging around thirty pounds of various sundries I could not leave in the car. It was getting light by the time I arrived home—and it was starting to drizzle (in May, in southern California, no less).
I got about three hours of sleep, interrupted by phone calls from the mechanic, who gave me a double dose of bad news. Besides, the work on the front end, an oil line had come loose, and my engine was doused with oil. And they couldn’t complete the repairs for a couple days. That meant the cost of a rental car for me, and a hefty repair bill I can ill afford. Insurance said they can’t cover the oil, so after my deductible, they’re barely paying for anything. And then I yelled at some poor guy at the rental place because they couldn’t pick me up fast enough.
I couldn’t even salve my despair by engorging on sweets, since I had started a no processed sugar diet challenge with my mastermind group.
I could mail it in on that day, I suppose, say “screw it” and chalk it up to a bad day. But the fact is, one only gets better if one learns lessons from his failures, and adjusts his mindset to see what went well, and what he did right.
Here are my lessons:
Give gratitude for the good things: Yes, working the job was a bit of a pill, but at least I have a job and a decent one, too. Sure, the car might cost a pretty penny to repair, but how much time does it save me being able to get where I need to in fairly short order? Avoiding eating sweets on a day when I could most “use” them might seem to be dispiriting in the short term, but in the long term, I improve my health and meet my commitment to the mastermind group. And most importantly, I’m alive and well, an underappreciated benefit until you’re not.
Give gratitude for the bad things, too: This may seem an odd take to you, but consider this. Does anyone ever really learn anything or grow from everything going right? No. Growth and learning only come from dealing with the unexpected and with pushing your boundaries. As much as I might have been aggravated in the moment, I learned lessons which will make me better at my job and better as a person. I am better at making the best of bad situations now. I am better at juggling multiple responsibilities at once. I am better at reacting to the dark objects on the road of life, both literal and metaphorical.
Accept the blame for everything: Blame is a double-edged sword. On one side, you can blame your negative circumstances on others, on bad luck, on God or fate, on living conditions in your country, on your zodiac sign, and so forth. But with that side, you also cede control of your life to those things. When you take responsibility for all that is wrong (and right) in your life, you also accept that you have control. You are only able to affect the outcome if you accept you have a role in it.
Be empathetic and caring of others: I gave more than my share of two cents to the supervisor of the rental place for his company having a policy I would still consider to at least be ill-advised. And to be frank, that was not remotely fair to him. He is well below the level of someone who would have put such policies in place. Much like me at my job, he is just doing what he can to navigate those troubled waters between company policies in place to help the bottom line, and irate customers left out in the cold by those same policies. When I arrived at the rental place, I requested to speak with him. I gave him a sincere apology and told him he did not deserve to receive any criticisms or anger. He seemed to receive it well, and we parted on better terms. I accepted that I was wrong to have behaved that way and made a note to myself to work on being more empathetic to all others, regardless of the circumstances.
Understand you are capable of so much more than you think: Getting through a day like this requires you to tackle things you may have not ever dreamed of taking on. How many things did I accomplish on this day which heretofore I would have stated I was unlikely to be able to do so before the moment had arrived? In what could have been a scary accident on the freeway, I maintained my calm and dealt with the situation as best as I could. I did not waste time being sorry for myself; I took my car straight to the mechanic, knowing I would have to walk and bus my way home. Without remorse, I discarded what had been my plans for my day off and adjusted to the new reality of what it would become. I let go of the limiting beliefs I had and discovered I was more capable than I thought. You can do the same.
Enjoy the moment; you will always only have the one: Too often, our minds are distracted by regrets from the past or concerns for the future. We don’t spend enough time in the present, the part of life we’re actually living. We can no longer control the past, and the future hasn’t arrived yet. So experiencing negativity over either of these things is only going to make you unhappy in the present. As I was walking home, watching the sky grow light and seeing rain start to fall, did I despair? No, I laughed. I was enjoying a good walk. I was approaching my home and my bed. I was having a laugh at the universe’s foibles—and happy that a little drizzle would cool me down some.
Remember, there are lessons to be learned in everything you do, if you take the moment to look for them.